Have you ever felt totally lost and disoriented in your own life, and the things that used to work for you don’t work anymore? And you can’t seem to make sense out of anything and nothing you try seems to stick, and you cannot figure out what to do about it but you know something has to change?
If you answered yes to any or all of these questions, you just might have stumbled into a liminal space. It’s like a waiting room between two points, you’re no longer at one, but have not yet made it to the threshold of the next. It can feel disorienting, confusing, lonely, and very lengthy, but it can also feel beautiful, deep, rich with understanding and learning, and filled to the brim with emotions. It is a sign that you are preparing for a change, a transition, a metamorphosis.
I was listening to the Rich Roll podcast one day and he was speaking with Alexi Pappas, an Olympic athlete and filmmaker. They were discussing making change in your life and the process of evolving. I’ll link the episode here because it’s really good. She spoke about how when a caterpillar is in its chrysalis preparing to turn into a butterfly, it first has to break itself down into almost a liquid form. She calls it Glop. She describes a Glop phase for humans as though you’ve just turned to mush and you can’t really do much. Your brain might be mush, your body might be mush – you’re just a big ball of mush. Everything that you were has to break down and dissipate in order for the new form to be created. This hit me so hard. It cut deep. It described something that was happening to me that I didn’t understand and couldn’t wrap my brain around. I was in my Glop era!
You might think that I would be sad to realize that had become Glop. But I was so happy. Something became clear. I was in transition. This phase would be temporary. I was transforming and that was so exciting… but how long would this take?
Weeks later as I listened to another Rich Roll podcast, (I Rich Roll a LOT!) he had someone else on who was also discussing the transformation of a caterpillar to a butterfly. Rich referenced Alexi’s term Glop, for the liquification process. The guest, Chip Conley, was like yes but actually, what’s really cool about that is that everything breaks down except for these imaginal cells. (Ok, are you ready for this because it’s so freaking awesome!) Imaginal cells develop in the caterpillar in utero but are dormant for its life as a caterpillar. It is only when the caterpillar breaks itself down into ‘Glop’, that the imaginal cells are activated and the begin to form the new structure. This blew my mind. It hit me like a bolt of lightening.
Imagine if you will mother nature has a way of knowing how to create things that are beautiful, that are dynamic, and that are built to survive. So imagine, that if nature could read the genetic coding at the moment of your conception, and in utero development she secretly packed in some hidden imaginal cells into your structure. Because she knows, with this DNA, one day you will need these. And you live your life and you’re like part way maybe half-way through, and you find yourself in a liminal space and you just don’t know what to do anymore or who you are. And maybe you feel like Glop. Maybe you are the epitome of Glop. So what if, you’ve got these imaginal cells packed in there and this is their time to activate. And they are packed with what you need, and they contain the blueprint for who you will be next. Maybe, you were built for this.
Chip Conley, who was speaking of the imaginal cells on Rich’s podcast, he made a point to mention that the butterfly is not a completely new structure in that there is a connection between what it was and what it becomes. You carry something with you. These imaginal cells are like the imagination, as you let go of who you were and what was, your imagination guides you and gives you a sense of how it's going to be valuable to you in the future.
When I heard these ideas, I created this story for myself to help guide me. That some greater power secretly packed within me what I would need to find my way on this journey. This is a process that was necessary to move me into the next phase of my life. The process is tough, it’s sometimes scary, sometimes lonely, and sometimes so overwhelmingly beautiful that I’m moved to tears.
The Liminal Collection is a very special group of paintings and images that I created during this transformative period of my life. They echo some of my feelings of be deeply connected to this continuous path, not being able to grasp or understand it fully, and the awe and inspiration that I experienced repeatedly throughout it. The beauty and love that I gained for myself as a result of this is something I never even knew was possible. Just existing every day feels like the most magical gift. But it couldn’t have happened without some painful, awkward and confusing times as I shed the layers of all that I thought I knew.
The last painting that I made in the series is Wet Sand. This one was particularly powerful for me. It was a really effing deep moment when I made her. It was a virtual start to finish painting, which rarely happens for me – like she knew who she was when she was coming out. As I finished her, I looked across the room and saw a small scrap of paper with writing on it. I have boxes and folders of scraps of paper that I’ve written things on and I’ve never really understood why I’ve kept them, but I’ve also never questioned it.
I picked up that scrap of paper that I had written on some 10-20 or more even, years ago and read it. I immediately wrote it on the painting. The continuous line that connects what was and what is newly formed.
And I felt myself move past the threshold.
“Had I never confronted it, I wouldn’t have discovered what was just behind it.”
Holly